i am but a child

if you see me in my baggy clothes

don’t yell at me for

i am but a child

if you see me, yet again, buried in my books

don’t give me that look for

i am but a curious child

if you see me again in the music store

don’t take me away for i am a song,

i am but a child amongst these mysterious creation

if i give you one of my “lousy” poems

don’t throw it away for

i am but a child in love


A Hundred-fold Nervous


Nervous? I wish I am just nervous because I, as a matter of fact, am suicidal and about to off myself.

Let me give you a little bit of context.

I am away from my country for more than 4 years. In those 4 years, life was easy. I have a nice job, a good salary and I get what I always want.

Fast forward to March 2016, I quit my easy job to work with my previous general manager in his new company. I was fine then even when I had to travel by bus on a daily basis for 2 hours. I was adjusting. However, I had a fight with a co-worker and my manager sided with her so I left the company.

Without a residence visa and an excess of 35 days on the allowable stay, I exited the country and came back on a three-month visit visa on June 2016. I searched for a new job but no one would accept me with my rate. (I already have a high salary rate from my previous company so I based it from that.)

From June 2016 until today, I’ve exited the country five times. My current tourist visa is due this 14th of March and I’m not nervous. I’m a hundred-fold nervous.

Postaday #1: Childhood Memories

Back in my youth, when television was a luxury we couldn’t yet afford, I used to go to my neighbor’s house to watch television shows. Their house is just a 5-minute walk from our house, a vast rice field between two houses. On Sundays, two-hour movies are shown on TV from 9 pm until around midnight. Take note that we lived in a small town where street lights are not as abundant and some houses still use gas burners at night. My parents used to scold me every Sunday for coming home late and told me the scariest story to keep me inside at night.

She told me that one time, while she was making her way home from our other neighbor at around seven in the evening, she heard something rustle in the rice field near her. She continued walking, a little faster this time. When she almost reached our door, a loud noise came from the field and she swore she saw a bird-like creature with “tails” flew from the field towards the trees. She then told me to keep away from the rice field and always be at home before the sun sets. I promised to listen. A few months passed and the story was forgotten.

One Sunday evening, I asked my mother if I can go to our neighbor’s house. A new movie is on television and I MUST see it. To get her permission, I told her that I will bring my little brother with me. She said that it’s okay.

The movie was so good, my favorite actress was so beautiful. It’s time to go home. It was past midnight. I have to face the next big, scariest thing now; going home.

I held my little brother’s hand and started the 5-minute walk. It’s not that scary, I thought. I can hear the rice field rustle but it was because of the wind, or so I thought. The next thing I know my brother was already near our house and I was left in the middle of the road. I sprinted the remaining distance and kicked the door open. I was so scared. My brother told me that he heard a voice and a rustle so he ran. After that night, I never went out of the house after sunset. Five months later, my parents bought us a new television.

I was already in my teenage years when I learned the real story. My mother already planned to have my brother accompany me and conspired with him to scare me.

My innocent-looking, conniving little brother betrayed me.

jump, my love, jump

if you want to jump off a cliff, jump

don’t ask me to push you

i won’t give you that pleasure

i’ll look down on you from the edge

we are one, you should know it by now

but if you want your own spirit back

i won’t protest

jump, my love, i’ll be watching you


be gentle when you leave

be gentle when you leave

for i have taken roots in you

when you’re ready, and i’m not,

to settle in the new arm that awaits you

be gentle

for i, too, will be searching

for my roots to settle on

when it’s time to leave, look me in the eye

and tell me, gently, that i did love


i, a creature of the night

i, a creature of the night, pray the stars would go on shining

i, a creature of the night, thrive when everyone’s asleep

i, a creature of the night, love the sweet smell of dreams

i, a creature of the night, admire the form under the sheets

i, a creature of the night, settle comfortably as i dig my mind deep



i’m uncharted, i’m your own Marianas Trench

i’m quantum physics, i’m a hieroglyph

i’m a foreign language,

i am god

and i have only one thing to ask

stay even when i’m difficult to understand