A Hundred-fold Nervous


Nervous? I wish I am just nervous because I, as a matter of fact, am suicidal and about to off myself.

Let me give you a little bit of context.

I am away from my country for more than 4 years. In those 4 years, life was easy. I have a nice job, a good salary and I get what I always want.

Fast forward to March 2016, I quit my easy job to work with my previous general manager in his new company. I was fine then even when I had to travel by bus on a daily basis for 2 hours. I was adjusting. However, I had a fight with a co-worker and my manager sided with her so I left the company.

Without a residence visa and an excess of 35 days on the allowable stay, I exited the country and came back on a three-month visit visa on June 2016. I searched for a new job but no one would accept me with my rate. (I already have a high salary rate from my previous company so I based it from that.)

From June 2016 until today, I’ve exited the country five times. My current tourist visa is due this 14th of March and I’m not nervous. I’m a hundred-fold nervous.


2 thoughts on “A Hundred-fold Nervous

  1. Please don’t off yourself. I know how it feels to want to. In fact, I want to do the same. Let’s just agreeto give life 2 or 3 more shots to get right with us. OK?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi! I don’t really plan to off myself anytime soon but thanks for the concern :)). I’m in a counseling program and I’ve talked with my friends who are willing to help but sometimes it’s just too much.


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